Back to School: A Few Things I Want Every Mom to Know This August

August Has Its Own Particular Energy

If you are quietly counting down the days until school starts again, you are not alone. And if you feel a little guilty about that, you are not alone in that either.

Back to school brings up a lot for moms all at once. The relief of routine returning. The logistics avalanche of supplies, forms, carpools, and meal planning. The bittersweet moment of watching your child walk into a new grade and realizing, quietly, how much they have grown. The worry about how they will navigate new friendships, new pressures, new expectations. The joy and the grief and the exhaustion, all arriving at the same time.

Whatever you are feeling this August, it makes sense. Transitions ask something of all of us, including the ones we have been looking forward to. 

Name What You Are Actually Feeling Before You Try to Fix It

One of the things I notice most in my work with moms is how quickly we move to fixing. The moment something feels uncomfortable, the instinct is to manage it, organize it, push through it, or solve it before it has a chance to settle in. August can feel like an endless list of things to do, and somewhere inside all of that doing, the feelings get quietly set aside.

But before you make the lists and pack the backpacks and figure out the carpool, I want to invite you to pause for just a moment. Ask yourself honestly: what am I actually feeling right now?

Not what you think you should be feeling. Not what would be easier to feel. What is actually there?

Maybe it is relief. Maybe it is sadness. Maybe it is something you do not have a word for yet. That is okay. Naming a feeling is not the same as fixing it, and it does not need to be. In my experience, the simple act of saying to yourself I feel sad about this, or I feel overwhelmed, or I feel excited and I am not sure I am allowed to, is often the most important thing you can do. Feelings do not need to be resolved to be honored. They just need to be seen.

You do not have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to notice what is there.

Let the Grief Be There — Watching Them Grow Is Bittersweet and That Is Allowed

There is a particular kind of grief that comes with watching your children grow up. It is not the kind that announces itself loudly. It is quieter than that. It is the moment you realize the shoes you just bought are a full size bigger than last year. It is watching them walk through the school doors with more confidence than they had last year, knowing that some of that confidence came from growing away from you, just a little.

This grief is real. You can be proud of who they are becoming and also feel the ache of the version of them that is quietly slipping into the past. Both things are true at the same time. The attachment that makes parenting so meaningful is the same attachment that makes growing feel like losing something, even when it is also gaining everything.

Let the grief be there. 

The Mental Load Is Real and It Counts

The forms to fill out. The school supplies to research and purchase. The meal planning that suddenly has to account for a new schedule. The carpools to coordinate. The after-school activities to organize. The teacher emails to read and respond to. The homework expectations to understand. The social dynamics to track from a careful distance. The worrying, quiet and constant, about whether your child is okay, whether they are happy, whether they are finding their footing.

This is work. It is real work, and it is largely invisible, and it largely falls on you. The fact that it does not come with a job title or a paycheck does not make it less exhausting.

I want to encourage you to resist the urge to minimize it, even to yourself. When you are tired at the end of the day and you are not quite sure why, this is why. When you feel stretched thin even though nothing dramatic happened, this is why. Acknowledging the mental load, to yourself and to the people in your life, is not complaining. It is being honest about what it actually takes to keep a family running.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Joy Without the Guilt

It is okay to be glad that school is starting again.

It is okay to be looking forward to quieter mornings, to a more predictable rhythm, to having a little more space in your day to breathe. It is okay to feel relieved. It is okay to feel excited. Feeling those things does not mean you love your children any less. It does not mean you are a bad mother. It means you are a human being who has been running on fumes all summer and who is genuinely ready for a change of pace.

The guilt that shows up alongside the joy is so common in my work with moms. The sense that relief is somehow a confession of something terrible. It is not. Relief is just relief. Joy is just joy. You can feel them fully without them canceling out the love you have for your children.

H2: Ask for What You Need — From Your Partner, Your People, Your Community

This one is perhaps the hardest for most moms. 

We are so practiced at anticipating, at managing, at making things work without making it anyone else's problem. We wait to be offered help rather than asking for it. We minimize our own needs so that they take up less space. We tell ourselves we can handle it, right up until the moment that we cannot.

Back to school season is one of those moments when it is worth being honest with yourself about where you need support, and then being honest with the people around you too.

That might look like asking your partner to take something specific off your plate without leaving it vague or hoping they will notice. It might look like reaching out to a friend and saying I am really overwhelmed and I could use some company. It might look like joining a school parent community so that the logistics are not all yours to carry alone. Or it could look like making an appointment with a therapist because you have been meaning to for a while and this feels like the right time.

Asking for what you need is not weakness. It is not a burden to the people who love you. It is one of the most important things you can model for your children, who are watching you navigate this season and learning, from you, what it looks like to take care of yourself while taking care of others.

You do not have to do all of this alone. Please do not try to.

A Note Before You Go

This season asks a lot of you. I hope this August you give yourself some of the same grace and compassion you so readily offer your children. You are doing something remarkable, even when it does not feel that way.

And if you find yourself needing a little more support this fall, whether that is someone to help you work through what this season is bringing up, or simply a space to say how you are actually doing, we are here.

Reach out to connect with our team →

Emma Basch, PsyD is a licensed psychologist and the founder of Dr. Emma Basch and Associates, a Washington, DC practice specializing in perinatal mental health, women's mental health, and life transitions. She has spent more than a decade supporting mothers through the seasons of parenting that are beautiful and hard in equal measure.Learn more about Dr. Basch →